Yet Again

Yet again I am upset. I get extremely jealous of my husband. Not of other women but of time he gets to spend out of the house. He's away right now doing recruiting and staying with another recruiter and his wife. Well in talking to him last night I guess this other recruiter is haveing "issues" and needs to get out of the house so they are going to go play some pool and a bar/grill. Now if it were me he would be like fuck no your not going, not without me. This happens everytime he goes TDY and even at home. I know some of the functions he goes to is Army required fun but he's still getting to go out and drink and have a break from the kids. Do I ever get a break??? No! Even when he's home and I beg him to get me out of the house or even to get a break from the kids there's always a reason we can't. Not enough money, no babysitter, etc.... This last weekend was the first time he's taken me to a movie in over a year and the only reason he did was because someone else gave us the money as a gift. I'm getting so wore thin with this. A person can only take so much before they break. When he's home yeah he tries to give me a break here or there and make dinner and look after the kids but I'm still IN the house so the kids are still there. Don't get me wrong I love my kids but I need some me time. And you know he has no concept of what I go through. When he's gone it's 24/7 kids and takeing care of someone else. When he's home it's just adding one person that I take care of to the list. I thin kwhat really set me off tonight is that it's almost 11 they were going at about 8:30 and he was supose to call me back tonight knowing I've been up since 5:30 and doing an FRG function that was as close to basic training that a civilian gets. It was all day of physical activity and I'm tired. So I tried to call him and no answer. That always makes me nervous. Don't get me wrong I trust my husband but it makes me nervous just the same. Then it pushes home the fact that he's out on a Friday night without the kids and without me and it's been a year since I've been out and that was only ONCE out of the 3 or 4 times I've been out in 3 years. He wonders why I'm so stressed and I'm so sensetive about this. I got my feelings hurt a few weeks because he went out with his mom to a work function of hers. Now I wasn't upset that he went, he hasn't spent time with his mom just her and him in a long time and they needed that. But I was yet again jealous of the fact that he got to go out without the kids and that he danced with her. The last time he went dancing with me was over two years ago. It wouldn't be so bad except when I bring it up while he's away he PROMISES that when he gets home things will change and nothing does. When he was in Iraq he made me promise not to go out or really do anything for my birthday because he wanted to be the one to take me out, it's almost a year later and did he do something for my birthday. NOPE, never even brought up. When we first got together and my friends would ask me to go out I wouldn't because he couldn't go with me and he asked me not to go but promised he would take me out when he could. Still we haven't gone out. It just gets me down because everything else always seems to come first.